During these difficult financial times, many persons are experiencing higher levels or stress, worry, and anxiety. The following five (5) anxiety reducing tips could help you overcoming stress and live a better life, even if your financial budget is in “crisis.”

1)     STAY CONNECTED. We often withdraw when we become stressed or depressed. Instead, turn to your social support – Be around friends and family – Don’t isolate. Let those close to you help you through the hard times.

2)     GET OUT OF YOUR MIND. It is good to Be concerned about finances, but worrying all the time is not helpful. Schedule a specific time to worry–20 minutes a day. If you find yourself worrying outside that designated time, tell yourself “I’ve scheduled a time for this.” Then, immediately refocus on something else. The human mind is bad at focusing on more than one thing at a time, so focus on something good.

3)     DON’T LIE TO YOURSELF. When we experience an upsetting event, such as losing a job, we can (and often do) make things worse by telling ourselves destructive lies. For example,

a.       -I’m not valuable *

b.      -no one will ever hire me again*

c.       -my life is going down the toilet*

The truth to the situation is rarely so negative, and can even be positive. True statements may be:

d.      -I will find another job*

e.      -I have friends and family that care about me*

f.        -my value is not based solely on their work*

4)      BEST FRIEND TEST. We are often harder on ourselves than we are with anyone else. Sometimes I have my clients ask themselves “if my best friend was in the same situation, would I want them to feel this way? What advice would I give to my best friend?” Then I have them take that advice.

5)     EXERCISE. Tried and true, exercise is a great stress reducer.

6)     TAKE CONTROL. Anxiety often shows up when we feel helpless. Show yourself you’re not helpless by doing things that will help. For example, write a budget, go to a job fair, cancel your magazine subscription, organize your files, CHANGE SPENDING HABITS, update your resume. Even if times are still tough, you can tell yourself “I am doing the things within my control to better the situation.”

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View Susan’s Picure and Bio on the Thrive Boston Counselor’s Page 

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Thrive Boston Counseling Therapy

CCT magazine is a leading counseling therapy publication. It is subscribed to by nearly 50,000 readers. 

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Rest assured, this book barely mentions the five love languages—keeping it to a minimum of just two pages in the first chapter, two pages in the back. Done. Finished. Life moves on. Finally.

In Desperate Marriages, Chapman promotes a philosophy he refers to as “Reality Living,” of which there are six rules: (1) I am responsible for my attitude, (2) My attitude affects my actions, (3) I cannot change others, but I can influence others, (4) My emotions do NOT control my actions, (5) Admitting my imperfections does not mean I am a failure, (6) Love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world.

Basic Impressions:

This book is well put together. It is quality material. The reader with real marital problems and needing real information will get real information. For instance, the book speaks about divorce in chapter one—a smart move, for this is certainly on the mind of someone who is in a desperate marriage. Chapman states, “while divorce removes some pressures, it creates a host of others.” Moreover, the book contains some good psychology (which any counselor reader will recognize as being of the CBT persuasion), and Chapman aptly references William Glasser (i.e., creator of Choice Theory/Reality Therapy). Chapman borrows Glasser’s concepts when he states every person has a need for love, freedom, significance, and peace with God (wait, what happened to power, fun, and survival?).

After a few introductory chapters, the book employs a by-topic format, each chapter coaching the reader on how to apply the six “reality living” rules to marriage with a difficult spouse. The chapters are labeled:

·         The Irresponsible Spouse

·         The Workaholic Spouse

·         The Controlling Spouse

·         The Uncommunicative Spouse

·         The Verbally Abusive Spouse

·         The Physically Abusive Spouse

·         The Sexually Abused/Abusive Spouse

·         The Unfaithful Spouse

·         The Alcoholic/Drug-abusing Spouse

·         The Depressed Spouse

My feeling is mixed about the by-topic format type. On one hand, there’s something for everyone; but on the other hand, at some point everyone gets left out in the cold. What I mean is, I would find it hard to recommend this book to a client without the caveat, “It’s a useful  book, but a lot of these chapters won’t apply to you.”

Bottom Line

Bottom line, if you’ve been looking information on the topic of troubled marriages, give Chapman’s new book a read. It’s a good reference, and the idea of “reality living” provides a significant philosophical foundation. And stay tuned, with any luck Desperate Marriages of Children should be out by fall. 

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Who is Michael Leahy? I’ve never heard of him. His bio says little about him. The “About Us” section of his website says nothing about him, or his organization, “BraveHearts” (is there really an organization?). While he mentions Oprah in his Bio, it’s a bit of a farce because as far as I can tell he’s never met her. I received no response to my online inquiry about him (there was no phone number listed on his website). However, after reading his book, I feel like I know him. If his book is true, he is a sex addict with a good story. 

What It Is:

This is a book that takes courage to write. Porn Nation is a story about one man’s descent into sexual addiction, and then ascent to recovery. It seems to be an honest, non-sugary account. Michael describes, in good conversational prose, how he went from seeing a naked playing card as a child (queen of hearts, I think it was), to cheating on his wife.

What It Isn’t:

Even though the book is titled Porn Nation, I would not recommend it to clients dealing with pornography addiction. I suppose the target market for this book would be Christian, married men who are finding themselves somewhere on the road toward a sexual addiction broader than pornography, and considering adultery.

Some Criticism:

The book begins by listing a number of vignettes about rape, child molestation, incest, etc.—dramatic stuff, but it doesn’t fit. Is the reader to assume that those who watch pornography, or cheat on their wives, are also child molesters? Also, the book is not about pornography addiction, as the title would suggest—it is actually about sexual addiction. This is an important distinction because persons dealing specifically with pornography use are going to be dissatisfied with the book’s focus. Moreover, regarding sexual addiction, the book does not educate the reader to the extent I would expect of a self-improvement book. For example, it does not define or differentiate between common paraphilias: exhibitionism, voyeurism, sadism, masochism, pedophilia, frotteurism, etc.

Mixed Online Reviews:

A look at online reviews shows that some persons love, and others are disappointed by, the book Porn Nation. Here are a few reviews borrowed from Amazon.com.

“I just finished reading a new book. Michael Leahy’s book Porn Nation is hands down the single-most compelling book I have ever read. Ever.” –Peter Cantelon

“Leahy is a good writer that captures the readers [sic] attention with the use of realistic language and humor.” –D. Speaks

 “As someone with a spouse that has a porn addiction, I did not find anything useful to help me cope with the issue.” –ComicFreak

“The only problem is that not everyone’s experience is the same as his. He assumes that we will all meet the dangerous consequences of lust because it affects all people the same way. He does not avoid sweeping generalizations and this book did not provide anything insightful or new or thoughtful.” –Southern Cali Reviewer

Deciding Factor

If you’re looking for a first person account of sexual addiction development and recovery, this is a good book. If you’re looking for help overcoming pornography addiction, or something written by someone with professional training helping persons recover from sexual addiction, you’ll be disappointed.

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Being a spokesperson for the online therapy field, I have, every week for the past several years, received calls from counselors who have recently listed their name and practice information on an online counseling website (such as eCounseling.com), or who are having someone build them an online counseling website of their own. I usually meet these calls with a certain level of excitement: “Great! Super! Excellent! Congratulations! Welcome to the club!” I will say. But I have recently grown to be a bit hesitant with my cheers, “wait a second” I might say, “What are you expecting to happen when you start your online therapy practice?”

Too often, the counselor’s response sounds something like this. “Well, I’m getting fewer new clients at my face-to-face practice, so I was thinking that, with online counseling, I would have a much larger pool of potential clients.” Then the counselor will ask me, “How long do you think it will take for me to have a full caseload?”

“Well, that’s the thing,” I’ll say, “Caseloads, especially caseloads of online clients, don’t just happen; they are BUILT with a lot of effort. Being on the Internet is a great start, in some ways it even puts you miles ahead, but it isn’t the solution to all your private practice woes.”

And then, I will tell them what I’m about to tell you.

Online Counseling is a Smaller Pond

In the example above, the counselor is operating under an understandable misconception—the syllogism is as follows:

Major Premise: Big Nets Catch Fish

Minor Premise: With Online Counseling I Have a Big Net

Conclusion: With Online Counseling I Will Catch Fish

Brings you back to undergraduate philosophy, doesn’t it? In less philosophical terms, the reasoning sounds like this: “As an online counselor, my reach is a million times longer than it is offline. Therefore, even if I don’t put a lot of effort into promoting my practice, I should still get more than enough clients!”

And here’s the flaw. One’s net may be huge, but how big is the pond?

According to Google, in January, 2009 there were 1,220,000 web searches for the keyword “Counselor.” In the same month, there were 6,600 searches for the keyword “Online Counselor.” Note the magnitude of the difference: 1,213,400 more searches for “counselors”, compared to “online counselors”. Hence, while an online counselor’s net may be huge, the pond is (for now) relatively small.

Other Nets in the Pond

When it comes to online counseling, there is increasing competition every day. While it is true that most counselors in the USA have no Internet presence what-so-ever, there are still thousands of therapists providing online services. In addition, the growing field of life coaching creates competition for counselors, and life coaches customarily provide services via telephone, or online.

Make no mistake, competition for online and telephone clients is strong, and any new online counselor is entering a competitive arena.

Immediate Benefits for Online Counselors

This column is not meant to discourage. All hope is not lost for the therapist considering online counseling! There are some immediate benefits to having online counseling training, and having an infrastructure for efficiently and ethically providing online or telephone counseling. Such will allow you to:

1.       Retain clients who relocate (a common problem in college areas like my hometown, Boston, MA)

2.       Help clients who can’t make it to all of their appointments (stuck at work, stuck in traffic, traveling, etc.)

3.       Attract a small number of new clients (your net will catch some fish)

The Competitive Online Counselor

Build a Business

Going online is not an alternative to the arduous task of building a counseling business. Therapists need to develop a solid strategic plan. Develop a company structure. Measure growth. One needs advertising and PR. One needs a marketing plan that takes into account the online audience. I recommend every online therapist create content and publish it on the web in order to begin becoming an active part of the online community where they are hanging their virtual shingle.

Find a Niche

Client X needs counseling. What makes you the best choice?

One way to attract online clients is to specialize. Focus your efforts on a specific type of client: clients with liver cancer, clients with pregnant teens, clients who have lost a child, office spouses, desperate housewives, Americans living in Japan, Japanese living in the Americas…you get the picture.

Remember…

Online counseling is not your niche! It is a method of delivering service. It is added value to your in-person clients. Build your practice. Find a target audience and help them. Don’t just be online—be so valuable that people across the country are calling and emailing you to ask—Do you take online clients?

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The article was titled, Video game use may strain relations, and addressed the question of whether one’s use of video games could harm their social and interpersonal relationships. 

Here is an excerpt that includes Dr. Centore’s published comments: 

…The study found mostly negative results, but gaming can have positive effects, Anthony Centore, a relationship counselor at Thrive Boston Counseling and Psychotherapy Center, said.
“If people are using video games with others it could be positive, it would be recreational,” Centore said. “But people who are fixated on video games are isolating themselves.”
 However, Centore said he worked with couples who have used video games as a means of bonding. 
“For some couples, it can become a positive in their relationship,” he said.  

To read the entire artcle online, click here: http://www.huntington-news.com/sex_and_health/video_game_use_may_strain_relations-1.1568600 

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