Thrive Counseling in the Examiner

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In just a few short weeks my home will be filled with the sounds of my newborn infant daughter, which in itself is ironic given that the term “infant” is from the latin “infans,” which means, essentially, “incapable of speech.” Nonetheless, gurgles and coos and neh’s and wah’s will be heard, in a language all their own, and I am, in short, excited. As of late my mind drifts to all kinds of places, most of which are probably a bit romantic, but sweet nonetheless – a pint-sized ball of curls and swaddling clothes asleep on my chest; flirtatious smiles capable of melting even the hardest heart; barely-there kisses; tender touches from tiny hands that humble the spirit and wet the eyes.

Perhaps not surprisingly, a gentle stirring in my soul beckons me to appreciate life a bit more just now. My sense is that this is some of that proverbial, “you just don’t understand till you’re a parent” business the old folks used to talk about.

All of this fanciful revering has lead to a good bit of more serious contemplation as well, which I’m told is quite normal by my book, “The Expectant Father” by Armin A. Brott. And I suppose it does make sense – all of this talk of new life helps one to realize his own will one day end. When I look up from my daydreaming I find nearly-teenaged nieces and nephews and aging parents caretaking for aging grandparents. And the circle of life seems to be leaving increasingly deep impressions like crop circles on the green fields of my experience.

Genesis 3:19:
“…until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return.”

Book of Common Prayer (p.485, Burial Rite 1):
“In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our brother Ryan, and we commit his body to the ground; earth to earth; ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”

The underlying message here isn’t just written in the ancient texts or in the ritual processions of the religious. It is a common thread woven into the tapestry of nearly everything I see.

My wife and some friends and I recently saw the movie, “The Time Traveler’s Wife,” in which Eric Bana plays a man with a rare genetic anomaly that causes him to live his life shifting back and forth through time, appearing at this moment or that. He has, of course, fallen in love, and is therefore cursed to watch himself as a young man who doesn’t yet know the woman who he’ll marry, and then again as an old man who dies in her arms, and the arms of his daughter.

Even the last Simpsons episode I watched depicted Homer and Grandpa on a jaunt to Ireland to live it up as part of one of Grandpa’s bucket list wishes. And the fact that I can use the term “bucket list” and you know what it means only reinforces my point.

And music is certainly no place to look for an escape either. Imogen Heap laments the passage of time in one of my favorite songs, “Hide and Seek.” The imagery practically creates itself out of thin air right before you: “hide and seek/trains and sewing machines/all those years/they were here first/oily marks appear on walls/where pleasure moments hung before/ the takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this still life.”

But that’s just it – life isn’t still, though it is most desperately insensitive. The seconds and minutes and hours and days and months and years keep passing me by whether or not I protest. And all the while, the sirens’ song is heard with increasing clarity:

You are mortal. You will die.

I am mortal. I will die.

What’s a boy – er, man to do?

I guess haven’t quite figured out the answer yet. But, seeing as how the passing of time, and even my own death is not at all unlike the inevitable forced assimilation by the Borg, I have begun to develop the attitude, “resistance is futile” (yes, that was a Star Trek reference). So, I might as well enjoy the passing of time rather than spend my years trying to escape it. But to do so, I must conceptualize death as something other than a forever haunting, scythe-wielding, hooded Skeletor.

In 63 B.C., Seneca (Lucius Annaeus) wrote, “You will die not because you are sick, but because you are alive. That end still awaits you when you have been cured. In getting well again you may be escaping some ill health, but not death.”

It is as simple as that. To be alive, and indeed to truly live, is to die. This is echoed in a hundred clichés about self-sacrifice and tales of all-for-one and one-for-allism, but I’ve always conceptualized it in such immediate terms. The soldier recklessly charging a hill, the death of the hero for God and country, that sort of thing.

But to go on living wisely (see the prayers of Thomas Aquinas), in light of my imminent death, as if that death is in fact the most real part of my life, is something much more confounding. It is much more gradual, much more difficult, much less glamorous. Yet, my experience thus far also suggests it may be much more meaningful.

Prior to this stage of life, I found myself in hearty agreement with and placed shoulder to shoulder among the ranks of my contemporaries who wonder at the self-centeredness ending possibilities of marriage, children, and family life, and, though we may not have said it, most any meaningful connection with other humans that asks us to exit our one act, one actor, often plotless tragedies. We could scarcely dream of committing to something we weren’t convinced would work or of bringing children into a world so cruel and unforgiving. Even now this line of thinking is provocative to me.

But part of what makes a tragedy a tragedy is that no matter what unfolds at its beginning and end, the main character, the hero, the one everybody likes, still ends up dying in the end. This is, in a word, tragic.

Likewise, whether they are extended, self-indulgent monologues or complex confluences of interactions that have ripped us from our infatuations with self, our lives will still end.

Perhaps if others are involved, if we have truly given ourselves to others, and ultimately, to God, something profoundly transformational occurs;

Perhaps we learn to laugh at ourselves.

Perhaps we learn to delight in seeing others preferred over ourselves.

Perhaps we learn to smell fresh lilies, to rub ocean-foamy sand between our toes, to take our coffee with chicory, to play hooky from business meetings to go on dates with our daughters, to love and be patient with our sons.

But my sense is that it for me, it will be profoundly difficult. That in this life of living I will experience more pain than ever before. More joy too, but still, much more pain. And that if my previous behavior is any indication, in response to that pain life will begin to take on a hazy gray quality when I’m seduced away from those to whom I’ve given myself because it just hurts too much.

But I dream that maybe I’ll hear my wife’s voice or hear my daughter’s singing, or I’ll just feel the gentle prompting of the Holy Spirit in my heart, and the yellows, and greens, and blues, and browns, and dashing violets and splashy oranges will come rushing in again and I will feel alive for the joy and the pain alike.

All of this will be subtle, however, which is what makes it real life and not some technicolor dream movie. And I will need God’s help to be sensitive to the changing tides of myself and my world. But when I am most sensitive, if I am listening, a Voice will remind me…yes, yes! Life is worth the living.

And perhaps, when life is worth the living, my imminent and unavoidable death, my mortality, can only serve to remind me how fearfully, wonderfully alive I am.

I hope so.

rtn

**

–Man fully alive is the glory of God.–
St. Irenaeus of Lyons, 185AD, Against Heresies (Lib. 4, 20, 5-7; SC 100)

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Irvin Yalom on Stanford University’s Philosophy Talk, talking about the topic of his new book, “Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death. Irvin Yalom is the Founder of Existential Psychology. The sound in this video is not the best, but doesn’t detract from the great dialog either.

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For children, significant life events such as the death of a family member, friend, or pet; a divorce, a family move/relocation/change of schools, physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, neglect, trauma, a major illness in the family can cause stress that might lead to problems with behavior, mood, sleep, appetite, and academic or social functioning.

Child therapy is known to help kids cope with, and overcome, life stresses.

Signs that your child may benefit from seeing a psychologist or licensed therapist include:

·         developmental delay in speech, language, or toilet training

·         learning or attention problems

·         behavioral problems (i.e., excessive anger, acting out, bedwetting or eating disorders)

·         a drop in grades at school

·         episodes of sadness, tearfulness, or depression

·         social withdrawal or isolation

·         being the victim of bullying, or bullying other children

·         decreased interest in previously enjoyed activities

·         overly aggressive behavior (i.e., biting, kicking, or hitting)

·         sudden changes in appetite

·         selective mutism (not speaking)

·         problems sleeping, or not wanting to go to sleep

·         missing or skipping school

·         mood swings

·         an increase in physical complaints (i.e., headache, stomachache, or not feeling well) despite a normal physical exam by your doctor

·         signs of alcohol, drug, or other substance use

·         problems coping with life transitions (i.e., separation, divorce, or relocation)

·         bereavement and grief issues

·         sexual, physical, or emotional abuse

·         exposure to traumatic events

Marriage Counseling

Relationship counseling is the process of counseling persons who are in a relationship in an effort to help them better manage conflict, overcome hurts, and build a strong relationship. The “relationship” in relationship therapy may be between members of a family or a couple, employees or employers in a workplace, or between a professional and a client.

Couples therapy/Marriage therapy may differ from relationship counseling. Couples therapy is more about seemingly intractable problems with a relationship history, where emotions are the target and the agent of change.

Short term counseling may be between 1 to 3 sessions whereas long term couples therapy may be between 12 and 24 sessions. In addition, counseling tends to be more ‘here and now’ and new coping strategies the outcome.

Christian Counseling

Christian counseling is faith-based counseling which draws upon the science of Psychology filtered through the biblical foundations of Christian teaching. The unifying factor is the therapist, him or herself, who has integrated a combination of Christianity and psychotherapy into an applied program. Clients may see Christian counseling as a relationship with a caring counselor directed toward increased awareness of themselves, others, the societies and cultures in which they live, and their understanding of the Christian God. It is often focused on solving the individual problems of the patient.

Christian Counseling is the process of integrating current psychological methods and processes with behavioral standards promulgated by Scripture. The point of Christianity is the healing of relationships: Relationships between man and God and relationships between people. Christian Counselors at times have more education than traditional therapists, since they receive training from both the secular and the religious world.

Group therapy

Group psychotherapy or group therapy is a form of psychotherapy in which one or more therapists treat a small group of clients together as a group. The term can legitimately refer to any form of psychotherapy when delivered in a group format. The broader concept of group therapy can be taken to include any helping process that takes place in a group, including support groups, skills training groups (such as anger management, mindfulness, relaxation training or social skills training), and psycho-education groups.

Individual therapy

Psychotherapy is an intentional interpersonal relationship used by trained psychotherapists to aid a client in problems of living. It aims to increase the individual’s well-being. Psychotherapy may be performed by practitioners with a number of different qualifications, including psychologists, marriage and family therapists, occupational therapists, licensed clinical social workers, counselors, psychiatric nurses, psychoanalysts, and psychiatrists.

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ADHD Quiz / Assessment Interview

If you suspect the person is experiencing ADHD, use this symptom checklist to better determine.

The American Academy of Child Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) considers it necessary that the following be present before diagnosing a child with ADHD

• The behaviors must appear before age 7.
• They must continue for at least six months.
• The symptoms must also create a real handicap in at least two of the following areas of the child’s life:
  • in the classroom
  • on the playground
  • at home
  • in the community, or
  • in social settings

There are some circumstances in which a child or adolescent’s behavior might seem like ADHD, but might

not actually be ADHD. Many other conditions and situations can trigger behavior that resembles ADHD. For example, a child might show ADHD symptoms when experiencing:

• A death or divorce in the family, a parent’s job loss, or other sudden change
• Undetected seizures
• An ear infection that causes temporary hearing problems
• Problems with schoolwork caused by a learning disability
• Anxiety or depression
• Insufficient or poor quality sleep

ADHD Therapy Advice

It is normal for every person to zone out in a boring biology class, forget their homework in the kitchen counter, and act in a excited—high energy way. This is not ADHD. Persons with ADHD experience these issues to a degree that is drastically negatively impacts their performance in school and in life.

When helping someone with ADHD, a multimodal approach is often used. Medication in combination with therapy has been found effective in treating ADHD. Informing teachers, coaches, and others is also an effective approach to ensure appropriate approached to learned are used with the person with ADHD.

ADHD Counseling Therapy Action Steps

Below are several action steps for helping a person with ADHD.

1) Medication

Certain medicines can help people with ADHD by improving their focus and attention and reducing the impulsiveness and hyperactivity associated with ADHD. People with ADHD used to have to take medicine several times a day, but now there are some that can be taken at home once a day in the morning.

2) Counseling Therapy

Counseling can be used to help the person learn new strategies for coping with ADHD symptoms. In addition, family counseling helps treat ADHD because it keeps parents informed and also shows them ways they can work with their kids to help.

3) Maintain structure and supervision.

One of the hardest parts of helping a person with ADHD is that a higher level of structure will consistently be necessary. Parents of ADHD persons often ask “when can we finally relax the increased structure we have created to monitor our person’s school performance and home behavior?” The answer is often that parents should maintain the established structure until the person leaves for college. This does not mean being a prison warden, this means adding additional structure and supervision to help the person be happy and succeed .

4) Remember ADHD is a Disability.

Parents must remember that their person with ADHD has a neurologically based disability, and that there is a “can’t do” as well as a “won’t do” component to their unthinking actions. This means that parents of person with ADHD need to provide an extra helping of grace, patience, and forgiveness with their person.

5) Help them build on their Strengths.

Having ADHD is not just practically difficult for a person, it is also emotionally difficult. Parents and caretakers should be a constant positive force in the life of a person with ADHD. In addition, help the person find and build on his or her strengths. Personal strengths always overshadow the weaknesses caused by having ADHD.

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ADHD Therapy and ADHD Information

Portraits

Chris tries harder than everyone else in his class, but he keeps falling short. He makes the silliest mistakes, he forgets his homework, he daydreams in class, and he only finishes half of the exam before the timer buzzes. His teacher calls a conference with his parents, “I’ve seen this before, and I don’t think it’s because he’s not trying…” his teacher begins to explain.

“Julie, sit still” her mother says. “I don’t get it, you said you wanted me to get you this movie, and now you’re not even watching it!” Julie tries to explain, “I want to watch it, I just can’t sit still for two hours for anything!”

Definitions and Key Thoughts

ADHD is generally a lifetime disorder.

30 to 50% of individuals diagnosed with ADHD in childhood continuing to have symptoms into adulthood.

Adolescents and adults with ADHD tend to develop methods of coping to deal with any impairments of normal functioning caused by ADHD. However, many aspects of daily life can by more difficult for one with ADHD.

ADHD is one of the most common childhood disorders. The American Psychiatric Association estimates that between 3 and 7 percent of children suffer from ADHD, and many other children who don’t actually qualify for the diagnosis still struggle with significant symptoms.

Kids with ADHD are chronically inattentive, hyperactive, or both—so much so that their daily lives are disrupted. They have trouble paying attention in class, doing their homework, finishing their chores, and adjusting their behavior to meet the demands of a situation. As a result, they struggle in their friendships, family relationships, and in school performance. There are three types of ADHD:

THE INATTENTIVE TYPE
Kids with ADHD have problems paying attention, especially with difficult learning tasks such as memorizing their multiplication tables, reading their assignments, or listening to their mom or dad’s lectures. Other characteristics of inattentive kids include:

· Lack of organization

· Difficulty finishing tasks

· Lack of attention to detail

· Tendency to get distracted

· Withdrawn or shy behavior

· Difficulty with social conversations

THE HYPERACTIVE–IMPULSIVE TYPE

Kids with ADHD are not necessarily more active than their peers on the playground. But when they come in from recess, they have trouble calming down. They can’t sit still, and they disrupt the rest of their classmates with their loud voices and boisterous activity.

They also have difficulty delaying gratification. Renowned ADHD expert Russel Barkely describes these kids as being “creatures of the moment.” They will spend all their allowance each week rather than save up for something nice. Hyperactive-impulsive kids also display:

· Frequent fidgeting

· Over-talkativeness

· Difficulty sitting or standing still

· Overactivity (running, jumping, climbing)

· Impulsiveness

· Restlessness

· Aggressive behavior

· Inappropriate social behavior (such as grabbing things
and speaking out of turn)

Although ADHD begins in childhood, often it is not diagnosed until a person is a person, and occasionally ADHD can go undiagnosed until a person reaches adulthood.

Because ADHD is a broad category that manifests in different ways (i.e., attention, activity, and impulsivity), ADHD can people in contrasting ways. Some of the signs of ADHD include:

Difficulty paying attention

Difficulty staying focused on a task or activity

Difficulty finishing assignments at school or home

Jumping from one activity to another

Difficulty focusing on instructions

Loses or forgets things such as homework

Becoming easily distracted, even with recreational activities

Difficulty paying close attention to details

Making careless or simple mistakes

Difficulty organizing tasks and activities

Difficulty waiting one’s turn

Interrupting or intruding on other people

Blurting out answers before questions have been completed

Fidgeting with hands or feet or squirms about when seated

Difficulty engaging in activities quietly

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If your score is 10 or above, you many have an alcohol dependence problem, such as alcoholism. Please note that this self-test is not an official diagnosis, and is not a replacement for a professional consultation with a doctor. If you are concerned that you have a problem with alcohol use, please consult with a health professional such as your primary care physician, a mental health professional, or a drug and alcohol treatment specialist. Alcoholism is treatable.

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The following is a list of DSM-IV Diagnosis Codes, for use in Psychotherapy, Mental Health Counseling, and Counseling Therapy. 

The following Diagnsis Codes are generally required by all major insurance companies when submitting a claim for Mental Health Counseling Therapy Services. Hence, they are often a useful reference for therapists, as well as therapy clients and client advocates. 

Note: NOS = Not Otherwise Specified.

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The article is titled “Parenting During Difficult Financial Times” and addressed steps parents can take to keep relationship with their kids strong when the family if expereincing above-normal financial stress. 

Here is an excerpt from the published article: 
“Kids cost money. School clothes, cell phones, video games, baseball, girl scouts, daycare, music lessons, karate, field trips, birthday gifts, 5 meals a day, braces, contacts, car insurance, and the list goes on.

If you’re feeling the pinch of the rising cost of parenting and a tighter budget, you’re not alone….”

Click here to read the complete article on this therapy blog: http://thriveboston.com/counseling/parenting-during-difficult-financial-times-boston-child-therapy-and-parenting-information/

Click here to read the article on the Wicked Local Parents website: http://www.wickedlocalparents.com/content/parentingduringdifficultfinancialtimes

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To make a report, call The Department of Children and Families (DCF) Hotline anytime of the day or night at 800-792-5200. Follow their instructions.

 Child Abuse/Neglect Warning Signs

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