Boston Counseling Therapy

Marriage Therapy Book Review: Can My Marriage be Saved?

Book Review:

Can My Marriage be Saved?

True Stories of Saved Marriages

Mae Chambers and Ericka Chambers

 Pass it On Publications, 2008

Mae and Ericka Chambers are an unlikely duo to write a marriage book. Or are they? This blue grass singing, guitar playing, mother-daughter duet doesn’t have any training in marriage and family therapy, but what they do have is real life experience.

Mae Chambers’ marriage had problems from the Opening Bell, and by its 7^th year, the stock was at an all time low. Three out of four counselors said it was time to sell. Mae writes,

“The first three counselors, after hearing of John’s re-involvement with drugs and alcohol, his raging verbal abuse, and his adamant refusal to seek help, all advised me to go along with the divorce…But I simply couldn’t accept their conclusion…so I found myself in yet another counselor’s office…she [the fourth therapist] challenged me to go home, get alone with God, and honestly ask Him to show me what I had done to cause problems in my marriage. My face flushed with anger, but I held my tongue. Obviously she had missed the fact that I was a victim in this mess of a marriage. John was the guilty one.

While John was obviously out of control, Mae began see subtler ways she had contributed to the marital mess. She sought forgiveness and then, as she describes it, began to “stand for her marriage” by remaining faithful to a prodigal husband. In time, her marriage improved.

Real Marital Problems

The book, Can My Marriage be Saved?, is a collection of 22 auto-biographical accounts of severely troubled marriages that survived. The problems are severe, and true to life: cheating husbands, cheating wives, a spectrum of verbal and physical abuse. Some couples describe being estranged for years before reconciliation. Warning, Disney boycotters: its sex, drugs, and blue grass.

He Said, She Said

In each story, the spouses take turns writing from their own point of view. This provides good perspective, though the frequent changing of literary voice can damage a story’s flow—and it gives me a migraine. Still, the drama is a page-turner, and the narrative is far superior to the anonymous vignettes typical for a marital help book.

Real Marriage Solutions

How do you save a marriage? In the book, some couples used therapy, many used prayer, and all had a unique path to healing. Consider this excerpt from the story of Gary and Mona,

…the counselor had suggested I read a book on codependency. I had almost laughed out loud…I remember looking at him and saying, “You think I’m codependent?” He looked at me calmly.

“I know you are.”

I went ahead and took the book home, but just to prove him wrong. I read it, and before long I realized he was probably right.

In the story of Bev and Tom, after an argument where Bev lost her composure, she met with a professor for a lesson on neurobiology. She writes,

I wasn’t sure what neurobiology had to do with my marriage, but I was about to find out. “Brain function has a great deal to do with how we respond to real or perceived pain…Beneath the new brain lies the brain stem, or old brain. Painful memories from childhood can trigger the old brain’s fight-or-flight response.”

“You mean I’m not crazy?” I asked, heaving a huge sigh of relief, unable to hold back a floodgate of tears.

“No, you are not crazy, just reactive.”

Final Word

In Can My Marriage be Saved?, the reader is never told what to do to save their marriage; just what 44 other people did. The book drips inspiration. I challenge you to read this book, and when you’re done, close it and reread the question on the front cover. Then, answer the question yourself. 

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