What No one is Saying this Holiday about Economic Stress and Kids
December 9, 2008 – 11:25 amA Christmas tree stands in the entrance of a Boston restaurant. On its branches hang homemade ornaments cut from paper. Written on each ornament isa child’s name, age, and the item the child wants most for Christmas: “Janet, 6 years old, Game Boy DS,” “Dustin, 4 years old, Elmo doll.”
Many of us believe that if a child doesn’t get the item he/she wants for Christmas, then the child will become emotionally damaged. We have Christmas stories dedicated to this idea.
Toys aren’t bad; they’re great! But a Game Boy is a poor replacement for the relationship between parent and child. For instance, in Jean Shepherd’s novel turned movie, “A Christmas Story”, what Ralphy really wants for Christmas isn’t a BB gun, it is his father’s love.
As a therapist, I sometimes hear a client say, “We didn’t have much but we had each other.“
That client is always better off than the one who says, “I had everything, except for my parents.”
This holiday season, give your kids the gift they really want — you! Your children need these seven things from you. They are the seven “True Gifts” of Christmas.
Time –
Kids spell love T-I-M-E. There is no substitute for every hour, minute, and second of quality time parents spend with their children.
Touch –
A hug and kiss, holding hands, brushing hair, wrestling, high fives, or cuddling on the couch: most child experts agree kids need at least 11 loving touches a day.
Talk –
Find the interests you and your child share; and open up! Remember, communication is also non-verbal, so be careful about the different ways you “speak” to your child.
Tenderness –
Tenderness is to love unconditionally, and it is providing a “soft hand of correction” even when your child irritates, argues, or disappoints. Every child needs at least one person who loves them intensely, no matter what.
Teaching –
Whether present or absent, a parent is always teaching something to their child. Your child learned something from you today, I guarantee it.
Tenacity –
Kids’ lives are more erratic, complex, and rapidly changing than any generation in history. Parents, provide stability. Be an anchor and a safe place for your child. The hardest part of parenting is staying persistent.
Tomorrow –
There is a lot of negative press out there, and your kids hear it! So fill your children’s hearts with hope. Believe in them. Dream with them. Be big on praise. There is no better inheritance—no amount of money, or privilege, or material thing that can compare to a spirit of hope for a happy future.
Don’t worry about the material things. Try to provide these True Gifts for your children this year and have a joyful holiday, together!
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Anthony Centore Ph.D. is founder and principal therapist of Thrive Boston Counseling and Life Coaching (http://www.thriveboston.com) in Cambridge. He can be reached at 617-395-5806 or thriveboston@gmail.com
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